*and why that’s not as simple as it sounds.
So often, when people talk about their overwhelm, their sense of tiredness and stress, we are told to ‘look after yourself’ and make time for self-care.
Now I am guilty of this, I can’t tell you how often I have said to a friend or family member, ‘be kind to yourself’. It’s all meant very well with love in my heart but when someone says it to me, it can feel frustrating. What the heck does it even mean?
When we talk about self care, I think people often conjure images in their heads of bubble baths and spa days – like the time and space for those is so easy to come by huh? – but through my own therapy and struggles with overwhelm I’ve come to realise that self care is a much more tricky concept.
Self care to me has become a balance between loving and caring for my friends and family, AND loving and caring for me. And for me that means drawing BOUNDARIES.
You know what stresses me out? Huge WhatsApp groups. The amount of information being channeled through a big WhatsApp group can feel intense and overwhelming. Sometimes as I’m reading my messages, I feel my heart start to race and my breathing pick up. Essentially my body is entering a crisis response, I’m panicked, and my internal functions are telling me to start running or to start fighting. But all this panic over say… a night out with the girls?? I couldn’t keep it up.
So I set a boundary. I either left big groups that I felt that I didn’t need or I muted them and put them into an archive folder. That way I choose when I see the messages. Now, as a huge people pleaser, this actually took some courage on my part.
Did I worry what people would think? Oh yes, I did.
Did I do it anyway? Yup but with one eye shut as I pressed the button.
Has anyone said anything to me about leaving a group? No, they really haven’t.
Not one person.
Now I won’t bang on, I’m sure you all get the point, but I wonder if you could spend some time identifying the small things that set your heart racing, and if there is anyway for you to set a boundary round them?
It’s not always easy. Sometimes the relationship that we have with ourselves is the most difficult one of all. Showing ourselves care? Love even? That can so often feel impossible.
If you want improve your relationship with yourself, start to get to know who you are, maybe give therapy a try. It can sometimes work wonders.
Take good care of yourselves, Heather.
IndigoStone Counselling 